Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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