I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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