Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
my poor anus
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
