I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
