That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
