Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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