At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
