update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I want a musical about memes.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
