call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
