idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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