1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
