Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
