Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
