last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
