I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
