If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
