why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
