I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
