My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
