There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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