It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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