the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
