So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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