i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
