You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
