I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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