I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Mom said you looked used
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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