My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
whose parrot is this?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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