Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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