cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
