Sponge bath it is.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
