Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
