I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm going to jail i love you
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
