my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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