Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
