Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
