Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My cat gives me a boner
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
