im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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