I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
