Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
