I wish you could order shots online.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
