We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
