Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
