I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
