Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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