fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
