i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
