So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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