Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
