I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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