brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
