So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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