She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
