My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
