So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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