I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
