we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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